Sickness, Dreams, Music

Feeling better now. Looking like I am going to be well again by tomorrow. Which is good because I really hate being sick. Which is my inane statement for the day. Does anyone actually LIKE being sick?

The worse part about being sick for me isn't really the being sick. Or even the lack of energy or the general sense of ennui then tends to descend upon me when I am un-well. It is the dreams.

My brain has some weird bad old wiring in it. But usually it works well enough and I can shut all my weird little demons and skeletons in a closet with a deck of cards and they pass the time playing cribbage while I go about my life.

When I am sick though.. It is like all those things I normally keep locked up start behaving like sailors that have spent too much time at sea and just got a 24 hour pass and were unleashed upon the Bangkok of my brain. Often that is how I can tell that I am sick, just some of the really and truly messed up nightmares that I have. Things that normally I would partway through say "Yep, I've had enough of this, time to dream of something else" and move on to another dream.

Not even sure how to describe them. Sort of a "Giger meets Kafka meets Lovecraft" sort of thing. And those are the good ones. The really bad ones play havok with all those things I spend most of my time trying to forget. Anytime I start poking at those skeletons of mine it makes for a very unfun road trip to some very dark places.

In this case though it was a short trip down the main hall of my house and the dark place was the room full of boxes I haven't unpacked yet. I woke up this morning with a serious urge to dig out some old music cds of mine.

I can look at my cds and it is a brief history of my life in terms of who I was dating or friends with, they music they and I listened to, what cds I got to impress someone, which ones I got because they introduced me to the band, which ones I got just so I knew what they were talking about. Sort of a fossil record of my life in plastic jewel cases and little discs of laser etched silicon.

So digging out old cds to listen to means I am digging up a lot of the old memories that go with them. In this case I was digging up a lot of old Nine Inch Nails albums that I had a weird craving to listen to this morning. I have to admit I liked the music a lot when it first came out, the first album Pretty Hate Machine especially. I had a lot of anger back then, and to a degree still do. Just a lot better leash on it these days.

Anyways, it has been somewhat surprising how much I still like it. A lot of the other music I used to listen to has somewhat paled or I have grown out of it. Still like the sound of Pretty Hate Machine though. Heard that there was a new NIN album out and that it was actually pretty good. Given that I heard this from one of my rivethead / punk friends, I was somewhat surprised as they hated all the NINnys way back in the day. I think The Fragile was the last one I got, and that was years ago. Not sure if I have missed any in between or not.

Two weird long rambling posts in one day. One would think I had too much time on my hands.